Thursday, February 13, 2014

It's That Most Wonderful Time of the Year (NOT)

It's here.

It doesn't matter whether you care or not. Single, coupled, unsure - its victims united, while yes, indeed, there are those who genuinely enjoy the one day set aside to do great gestures of love.

Valentine's Day.

Hallmark holiday, you shout? You know it doesn't matter. The juggernaut is so huge, it practically oils itself and scrubs its own rusty ass with a brand new loofah. (It's only a few thousand years old, pre-Hallmark).

I usually end up talking around this time about how I'm feeling about all this stuff. I can't help but be affected by it for better or worse.

Wanna know what's unique about this year?

No, don't loose your mind - I do not have someone for Valentine's day.

But...

I could have.

I actually could have.

I actually had options.

I chose none.

How strange...

How powerful in a way compared to previous years, caught up in a misled idea of 'destiny' aka 'stuff that happens to you without you doing anything'.

I feel I am growing. Well, mostly. I still have my retarding days where I feel myself shrinking back to a 13 year old or similar.

I am more proactive now in some regard (as opposed to none) in my 'love life' or whatever I'm supposed to call it.

Ready for the punchline?

Despite earnestly trying different approaches with mostly positive responses, I am no where different. It's like rowing a boat as hard as possible on a lap pool.

I gotta say, it's brought quite a few terrible days. You know those ones where 'Why? What's the point?' is yelled towards the Heavens.

I'm not going to lay some positive topspin on it, because, when I've said it sucks, it really does fucking suck.

But I will say this - I've felt I've grown a bit and I feel that needs to keep happening.

In the meantime, will you be my Valentine? Pretty, pretty, please with glace cherries on top, with whipped cream and flaked almonds?

Actually screw that. I'm having that gorgeous sundae to myself.

:p

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